Purposeful Action
Ever find yourself dreading work, and start fantasizing about all the other things you could be doing? Before heading back to Philly for a few shifts, I vaguely remember having a dream where I was about to start a road trip across the country but had to call out “sick” from work first. It took a lot for me not to actually call out after waking up from that! For no particular reason other than I just did not want to have to work that day. Even after having four days off, I hadn’t felt ready to return. Is it burn out, disinterest, anxiety or something else?
The last three years I had been in a staff position on a telemetry unit where, despite steadily advancing and helping found our first unit practice council, I was becoming increasingly lax and disinterested in work. Thankfully, not to the point I felt it really impacted my patient care, but enough that I knew it would one day. Not to mention the impact job dissatisfaction would have on my mental health. So another reason I thought travel would be a good fit - it would keep my on my toes and keep the occasional monotony of nursing at bay. Not to say nursing itself is EVER boring, just that stressing over the same things, running around playing task rabbit and having the same conversations about staffing/resource shortages everywhere you go can be exhausting…. So why not do the same in different places! 😜
While making the drive into Philly, about 2.5 hours for me, I was listening to one of my regular playlist/podcasts (definitely a plus side to longer distance commutes - even if I only make them 2-3 times a week). Oddly enough, the topic that day was purpose - something with which I, and many others, have struggled defining. Although I can no longer find the episode and made the mistake of not saving it or following the creator, the message was a good one. It started by defining purpose and it’s role in our lives, as well as the differences between purpose and meaning. In 45 minutes, the speakers went through providing examples and evidence on the value of purpose, as well as advice on the how to find/pursue them.
Purpose is something that greets us when we wake and drives our actions and decisions throughout the day. It’s something we are constantly pursuing, a future that may have attainable goals, but it itself is abstract. In contrast, meaning is something we look back on. What impact did we have? Did we achieve our goals? Questions like that help guide our reflection on the past, but do nothing for our future. For that, we need a purpose.
I’m writing about this topic here because I have been struggling to feel purposeful in my profession for some time now. Although I have made goals and am working towards them, I’m missing that bigger SOMETHING. I know I’m not the only one there, especially in high stress occupations, it can become easy to start “floating by”. Just letting nature take it’s course and living life as it comes. I’ve always been a proponent for being easy-going and not stressing over life’s twists and turns, but perhaps that can be a trap too. Settling into the ennui of a profession you don’t identify strongly with, while unfortunately the case for many working class individuals, does not have to be our fate.
This isn’t to say we need to make radical changes in our profession to find happiness and fulfillment either - it could be a simple change of mindset. As an example, there was a professional tennis player who began to hate the sport. It was grueling work and was no longer enjoyable. Then when on the verge of giving up his athletic career for good, his focus shifted to the spectators. He realized that he was bringing those watching him joy. Thus, his purpose was reignited - to be a role model and bring further joy to those around him.
For myself, I haven’t felt strongly pulled toward any specialization or going back to school for my NP. Nor do I have interest in going to ICU or ED. The floor is tolerable most of the time, and the people I work with have so far been great, but I don’t really feel fulfilled. Both for fear of starting over again, and not even knowing WHERE I would begin, I’m trying to reframe my mindset as opposed to dropping everything and going rogue.
I’ve always valued a positive attitude, and frequently name it as a strength during interviews. At times, hiding true thoughts/emotions in an attempt to fool myself into being happy and motivated (I’ve gotten pretty good at that too if I may say so myself). The main goal has been to impart some level of positivity on those around me. Perhaps, therein lies a purpose? Using my unique perspective and skills to spread positivity wherever I go? Or more completely: to seek, spread and multiply positivity throughout my life. A mindset like that can be applied to any profession, but for where I am currently in nursing, I can focus on spreading positivity among coworkers, patients, family members, everyone with whom I come into contact. And likewise, focus on turning away from negativity.
I can’t say for certain it will lead me to feeling fulfillment in my profession, but hopefully it will help me live a more purposeful life… and hopefully satisfaction in both the professional and personal spheres of life.
