Covid and Career Contemplations
Well it was bound to happen eventually. After numerous false alarms with strep or a cold, I finally tested positive for covid a few weeks ago. It was the sickest I’ve been in quite a while, and I was fighting fevers up to 104 for three days until it finally broke. I ended up missing 3 shifts and being off over a week, but thankfully was able to manage at home on my own. What most frustrated me, was the fact I tested positive exactly two weeks from a preplanned vacation! I know, minor inconvenience when one considers there are still so many people literally fighting for their lives or watching loved ones struggle because of this virus. Nevertheless, after two years working mid pandemic without a significant vacation, I was ready for some warm weather and tropical sunshine.
Not to mention, the group I was meant to travel with had to miss out as well. All five of us made these plans several months ago, and now have to hope we can make a future trip work. This also being after our initial trip abroad back in 2020 was sabotaged. It’s been said a thousand times, but I’ll say it again, covid sucks. Both for the impact on health of the individual, as well as society as a whole. I have to wonder how long it will take to recover from this to the point society can function as it once did… I have hope it will but at the same time fear the scars left may never fade entirely.
Anyways despite Jamaica being on hold for the time being, I kept my time off and basically only worked two shifts in the past three weeks… and I must say even without being in Jamaica, I enjoyed that time. Sure it was time without pay, but I consider it a worthwhile investment. Be it burnout or just regular laziness, dreading the return to bedside speaks volumes as far as career satisfaction goes. I’m glad I left my staff job for travel, don’t get me wrong, but acute care nursing as a whole is becoming more and more difficult to tolerate, let alone enjoy. I think the only way I’ve been able to keep going this long is because travel at least offers a little more incentive with new work environments, flexible scheduling and financial freedom. But what’s going to happen when even those benefits can no longer hold me to the bedside?
Growing up, my mom always said “find a job you love so you never have to work a day in your life”. I appreciate that sentiment all the more now, but have to admit it seems a rather lofty goal. Some people have jobs/careers they absolutely love, they wake up and are excited to continue their work. Other people tolerate there work, but strive to enjoy their time off as much as possible and see work as more a means to an end. And others still HATE their job, which makes even enjoying their time off difficult. I do hope to be among the first group one day, though in truth do not know what job would bring me such joy - or if I have the guts to make that leap. For me currently, nursing is a profession of tolerance. I do my best and try to make the most of it, but it is not a passion I feel driven to pursue. Instead, it seems to be a way in which I achieve the best possible lifestyle at this point in my life.
I feel badly saying that, but know I am not alone in feeling this. Furthermore, many of us are pretty good at “faking it till we make it”. Putting on a smile, trying to laugh through the frustration and putting out best foot forward when all we want to do is turn around and run. I can’t even say how many times patients have asked me “do you like your job?” to which I may or may not respond truthfully. I can’t decide who I’m trying to convince more in those moments, them or myself. Either way, we become very good at filling the role and helping our patients however possible. The aspect of enjoyment or feeling of satisfaction, however, doesn’t always follow.
An episode of the podcast “Mindset Mentor”, which I listen to frequently, discussed a point I found applicable to this topic. Perfect timing for me too. Sometimes, not absolutely loving your job can be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps the job itself isn’t this incredibly enjoyable experience, but it allows you to live the life you desire. Maybe nursing is a tough career to be in right now, but I do have to remember the perks and things of which are worth being grateful. Being able to take my degree and license to a number of different settings. Flexible scheduling. Professional autonomy. Decent pay. Opportunities for growth and networking. How many other jobs can people work three months, then take off a month or two if they really wanted? And while the 12+ hour shifts can be physically and emotionally draining, being able to escape the 9-5 work week is a nice option for some. I’m sure there are other hidden gems of a career out there where the same opportunities exist, but where I am in life right now, this seems most attainable.
Compartmentalizing life in such a fashion can work for or against someone depending on their mindset. Viewing a job as a means to an end versus an intrinsic calling may determine an individuals success in that field, but doesn’t necessarily have to! So for all those other nurses out there, similar to me struggling to carry on in their current job, maybe spend a little time reflecting on your relationship with your career. And I’d definitely recommend checking out that podcast, as well as any others focused on mindset. We can’t always control the world around us, but we can learn to control our responses and choose what external influences impact our living perspectives. I can’t guarantee you’ll experience any earth-shattering epiphanies or find that “spark” of professional passion, but it may help with redefining your concept of what your career should look like or help make transitions easier to make. Just remember, “you can’t pour from an empty cup” so in all things you do don’t forget to care and advocate for yourself and your happiness!
